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Confessions of a Bachelor Weekend

by 2 March 19, 2013

[caption id="attachment_794" align="aligncenter" width="240"]male contributor john albert earney male contributor john albert earney[/caption]

Something sad happens when your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/whoever you live with is gone.  It's like you're away from your best friend/there's a part of you missing/you're tired of talking to the cat.

            Let me start off by reminding you that I'm a fully capable human being.  I've lived alone in a clean apartment.  I'm not sitting on giant piles of hamburger wrappers and pizza boxes and beer cans, blowing my nose on the pillowcase.  I don't start farting (any more than usual) as soon as you walk out of the door.  I take showers when you're not around.  I usually brush my teeth.  The trashcans are not overflowing.  I'm not a troll.

            I'm a guy.  A “somewhat-messy but not 'dirty' in a gross or stinky way” guy.  I leave the toilet seat up (and sit in the water at night) like every dude living with his lady on every sitcom.  I adjust the thermostat on a whim.  I might leave my video game paused for like, an hour, until the TV goes to sleep.  I turned on all the TVs to the same channel and turned them up as an experiment. (It worked).  I did the laundry and the honey-do list.  I also combined several bottom-of-the-bag frozen food-stuffs into one dish to create the ultimate Rude Dude Food.  It was disappointing.

[caption id="attachment_733" align="aligncenter" width="320"]seen pictured: "rude dude food" seen pictured: "rude dude food"[/caption]

            Mostly I just did whatever it is we do to fill our time away from our loved ones.  I might have watched movies.  I might have gone out with the guys.  I might have read a book.  Whatever it was I did, it was just to pass the time.  The truth is, I'd rather have you here.  That's why I'm with you.  So, I'm sorry if I forgot something/bought something crazy at the grocery store/stained something (in a place you won't notice for a week, hopefully).  Whatever I didn't do, it was because I spent too much time taking my mind off of how much I miss you.  Please forgive me.

by HL Male Contributor John Earney





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